Daily Meditation for Thursday June 19, 2014
"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector." Matthew 18:15-17
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Jesus' Matthean teaching on reconciliation is beautiful in its simplicity and it works, not only in the church but also at home and in the workplace.
1. Go to the person you have the problem with. That seems intuitive. The problem is that when we have a problem with someone, we often go to anyone and everyone who will listen, except the person we're in conflict with, dragging in unnecessary parities and often engaging them in gossip. The triangulation that takes place between spouses and their in-laws during a marital argument is a good example; when the spouses make up, the in-laws may remain incensed. Go to him or her first; and go alone!
2. Bring an impartial person with you if the first meeting was unfruitful. We don't want to bring someone whom we've already influenced but rather a person of reconciliatory abilities who will help shed unbiased light. The person is not a tag-team partner but rather a person who can see strengths and weaknesses in both parties and navigate a course toward reconciliation.
3. Treat him as a pagan or a tax-collector. Sometimes, especially when there is serious injury, immediate reconciliation may not be possible (although reconciliation remains the goal). Jesus is not saying here, "Okay, the write them off!" On the contrary, Jesus' own personal attitude toward tax-collectors and other "offenders" is instructive: he loved them, desired their good, and remained in their midst as an instrument of reconciliation. In Matthew 11, for example, Jesus is accused of being “a friend of tax collectors and sinners” and Jesus quotes them in affirmation. You can almost hear Matthew say under his breath “You bet, he sure is!”
The restorative justice of the Kingdom of God doesn't seek revenge or punitive measures, it, above all seeks the good of the other, even when the other is someone who we profoundly disagree with.
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